the long road from breast cancer
Everyone told me that things would be easier once chemotherapy was over and to be honest I believed them.
I’ve hit a bit of a landmark, diagnosis and heartache over with, pre-operation nerves and heartache over with, operation over with, Xmas & New Year over with and finally chemotherapy over with. Phew!
There are so many hurdles I’ve overcome you’d think I would be happy. I can only agree, I should feel good about things but the opposite is true.
For all the heartache and sickness through chemotherapy I found it easier to deal with that, than radiotherapy. I’m not really sure why but here are my thoughts:
- Firstly chemotherapy was once every 3 weeks, so I knew I’d feel ill immediately afterwards but within a few days I’d be feeling well again.
- The 3 weeks meant for another 20 days normality could set in and I could focus on something else.
- Other things would take over and have greater importance, so I wasn’t thinking ‘why me’ all the time.
It’s true radiotherapy is quick, simple and easy! In fact in comparison to chemotherapy its a breeze but the thought of having to drive 20 miles everyday, to be rigged up to some contraption just makes me feel sick. Without my very good friend Jill who offered to take me everyday, I don’t know what I would have done.
I hate the fact that this thing (cancer) is controlling my life. I can’t make arrangements for anything in the morning as I have to be at the hospital. I can’t have a late night as I have to be at the hospital the next morning. I can’t go away for a few days because I have to be at the hospital. If I could, I’d move in….
You may say should I be complaining and you’d be right to ask? In all honesty ‘no’ is the answer. A lot of people have been very helpful but its February and I’ve had enough of it all.
It’s the constant going to and from the hospital that’s getting me down. Although having Jill to chat to has made the whole thing so much easier, plus each session costs another 250 euros which I don’t have at the moment. I’m paying the hospital bill peace meal, which after lengthy discussions with the hospital director, they caved in and agreed to.
This is a long road and its getting to me this week. Today was not one of my highs, I’ve felt down for a few days now and I’m finding it harder as each day goes by.
Today I spoke with Sgt Major and told him how I felt, yet more tears were in evidence. He said “think of it this way, your nearly 2 weeks into radiotherapy which means only 4 weeks left. Radiotherapy is the equivalent of 2 chemotherapy session, so your nearly half way”. Forever the pragmatist, he was right!
If they could give me one session of radiotherapy and I didn’t have to see them for another 3 weeks, that would do me just fine! This everyday malarkey takes its toll, my threshold was day 1 I think, yours will be different so take todays’ comments with a pinch of salt.
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[...] They say that in times of need you find out who your friends are and I certainly have. I never knew or should I say realised what good friends I had until now. For some strange reason in the beginning when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I chose not to tell anyone except my very good friend Kerry and of course Sgt Major. This in retrospect wasn’t the best decision I have ever made ;o/ [...]